I spent much of the early part of my life being unnecessarily rude to others. Gradually, I learnt more social skills, and acquired a liking for easy conviviality rather than blunt assertion. But there have been times when I have been accused of rudeness without just cause. Here are three examples:
The first was at the University of Birmingham, when I had an appointment in one of its academic buildings which had been converted from a large house. The oaken front door was solid, heavy, without any window, and stiff. I pushed with no result. After a second, firmer push, the door sprung open and hit a woman standing just behind the door who was in conversation with two other people. I apologised to the woman. “How rude”, she said to me, angrily.
The second was in a street near Covent Garden in London. Four elegant young women were walking very slowly side-by-side with linked arms, completely blocking the pavement. I was in a rush to catch a tube, and politely asked “Excuse me”. “How rude”, one of them said. The third case was at a cash machine in Worcester. A young woman was on the mobile phone while entering the codes to check the balance of her account and to withdraw funds. In between each digit she entered, there would be a protracted conversation on the phone. Distracted by the conversation, she entered digits incorrectly and had to re-insert the card several times. After five minutes of this, I asked politely if the rest of us in the queue could have a go at the machine. Not speaking to me but instead to her mobile phone, she said “There’s a man here who’s been really rude to me”, with indignation.
The last two cases are similar. They involve people who behave selfishly, and who then express indignation that they must pay attention to the needs and wishes of others. This is perhaps the true character of everyday egoism. Egoists do not deliberately seek to crush or ignore others - they instead see others as having no identities at all, or at the very least having only minimal identities compared with the shining light of their own person. When the needs of others unexpectedly intrude, they experience a sense that their own world has been invaded and react with some anger. This can even lead to minor insults or setbacks from others becoming the basis for a lifelong antagonism. Like Miss Havisham, clad forever in her wedding dress, the original insult becomes an immovable part of their life and character.
Beyond everyday egoism, there is the more pathological variety. The previously-successful Shropshire businessman who became bankrupt and then suicidally depressed, reacted by killing his entire family and his pet dogs, and then burning all his possessions. In his eyes, his family, his house and his expensive cars were merely extensions of his own ego, and therefore logically had to be destroyed alongside himself. In other cases, the pathological egoist will decide that he or she has a special mission, which may involve wiping out opponents or bringing some religious truth to the unenlightened. These two missions have often been combined, making governments with religious leaders some of the cruellest in history.
What about the first example of an undeserved accusation of rudeness - the woman hit by the stiff door? All sorts of psychological speculation are possible, but it may just have been ordinary human stupidity.
The first was at the University of Birmingham, when I had an appointment in one of its academic buildings which had been converted from a large house. The oaken front door was solid, heavy, without any window, and stiff. I pushed with no result. After a second, firmer push, the door sprung open and hit a woman standing just behind the door who was in conversation with two other people. I apologised to the woman. “How rude”, she said to me, angrily.
The second was in a street near Covent Garden in London. Four elegant young women were walking very slowly side-by-side with linked arms, completely blocking the pavement. I was in a rush to catch a tube, and politely asked “Excuse me”. “How rude”, one of them said. The third case was at a cash machine in Worcester. A young woman was on the mobile phone while entering the codes to check the balance of her account and to withdraw funds. In between each digit she entered, there would be a protracted conversation on the phone. Distracted by the conversation, she entered digits incorrectly and had to re-insert the card several times. After five minutes of this, I asked politely if the rest of us in the queue could have a go at the machine. Not speaking to me but instead to her mobile phone, she said “There’s a man here who’s been really rude to me”, with indignation.
The last two cases are similar. They involve people who behave selfishly, and who then express indignation that they must pay attention to the needs and wishes of others. This is perhaps the true character of everyday egoism. Egoists do not deliberately seek to crush or ignore others - they instead see others as having no identities at all, or at the very least having only minimal identities compared with the shining light of their own person. When the needs of others unexpectedly intrude, they experience a sense that their own world has been invaded and react with some anger. This can even lead to minor insults or setbacks from others becoming the basis for a lifelong antagonism. Like Miss Havisham, clad forever in her wedding dress, the original insult becomes an immovable part of their life and character.
Beyond everyday egoism, there is the more pathological variety. The previously-successful Shropshire businessman who became bankrupt and then suicidally depressed, reacted by killing his entire family and his pet dogs, and then burning all his possessions. In his eyes, his family, his house and his expensive cars were merely extensions of his own ego, and therefore logically had to be destroyed alongside himself. In other cases, the pathological egoist will decide that he or she has a special mission, which may involve wiping out opponents or bringing some religious truth to the unenlightened. These two missions have often been combined, making governments with religious leaders some of the cruellest in history.
What about the first example of an undeserved accusation of rudeness - the woman hit by the stiff door? All sorts of psychological speculation are possible, but it may just have been ordinary human stupidity.
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